Can I Testify?!!

I confess, I'm being somewhat selfish with this blog entry.

God has done so much in my life the past month-He's been breaking me and making me anew, and He's been more real in the past month as He's ever been in my entire life. And I'm writing all of this down, not because the things that happened are the most amazing things in the world-to which for some, they may be- but really, in thanking God, I just want to see more. So, I'm giving a shout out to God, and wanting to see Him move more in my life. But apart from that, I can't help but shout out on mountain tops what He's done for me. It would be a travesty not to.

So coming back from IHOP, the Lord ordained and set on my heart that I'll be serving at an emerging house of prayer at IHOP: Eastern Gate, to see night and day prayer/worship come to the Metro area (www.ihopeg.org). For those unfamiliar with serving at bases like this, most of the financial support comes through the raising up of partners, who will lock arms with missionaries on the base and support them in prayer and finances. If you're anything like me, the last bit at the end of the last sentence scares the living daylights out of you.

I confess that I am essentially a rather introverted (even though I can appear extroverted at times) , independent, self-reliant type of guy (If you haven't figured that out already). I believe in working hard and reaping from the fruits of my own labor. I DO NOT like the idea that my livelihood in any way depends on other people. I just don't!!!! I like to be in control ALL THE WAY. Can I get a witness?! The idea that I have to appear before people and ask for their "support" is really humbling and repugnant to my proud heart. I would rather just work my butt off and live off of my own means.

So having come to face with the issue of raising partners, I would spend times of agony in the presence of the Lord asking Him to to provide partners if He wants me serving in this capacity as an Intercessory Missionary. I even asked Him to provide ways I can sustain myself until I've developed a partnership base such as tutoring and teaching guitar to work and support myself.

And then crazy things start to happen.

First in regards to tutoring, in a few days my mom somehow connects me with a parent who is looking for a spiritual/english tutor to teach her daughter english and pray for her daily. It's a more than adequate part-time job for me to support myself, while still being able to do ministry. My mom, herself is surprised by all this, because with the economy these opportunities are rare (all the more something that seems tailor-suited in my case), and that it must be the Lord.

On the note of guitar lessons, after I pray and this is just still fresh in my mind, out of nowhere, an old friend sends me an email asking for guitar lessons!!! This prompts me to put up a note on facebook, to which several other people respond back!

In regards to partners,

I start meeting with different people and I'm getting statements like, "Joel, it's better to invest in you than putting the money in a bank". I'm floored when I hear things like that from people. But more than that, I see another reality at work behind partners coming on board- GOD!!! Although people are generous, in my view, there is NO way people say that kind of stuff unless the Spirit is at work bringing that sort of conviction out of a person's heart.

Another partner, even before we meet up, declares partnership. But what gets me is not only that, but that this partner's remarks that although many other worthy missionaries have asked this partner for support, the Lord has brought conviction to this person to support me (I'm floored and humbled)- all the more when I know that this person is not in the greatest economic situation, but still feels compelled to sow financially into partnership. Again, I'm just incredibly humbled.

Another guy, out of nowhere offers to buy me dinner. Meeting with him, we get around to talking about IHOP, and I feel the unction share what I'm doing and my raising up partners. I do this somewhat sheepishly, because I don't know him too well. But the crazy thing is, he then divulges that the Holy Spirit had actually tugged on his heart beforehand to buy me dinner and hear what I had to say (he didn't even know I was getting involved with IHOP). He's not even a full blown charismatic! But upon sharing my vision for partnership, he really felt that our conversation was from the Lord and he's now prayerfully considering partnership.

Another guy I met, whom I barely know- we decide to get together and connect. At this dinner, I don't even intend to bring up IHOP, because i just wanted to get to know the guy, but he breaks in and tells me to tell him about IHOP and how I'm involved and the next thing I know, he's offered to be my partner.

And with all that said and done, I'm about on the verge hitting halfway of my goal- something I was honestly skeptical about from day one. But God's done it, and at this point, it seems like there's no turning back. I even find a note of irony in that, in all of this, my biggest supporters are those that I don't even know too well, or have much relationship with. It really struck me the other day. Because it's not about me trying to leverage "relationship" in raising partners, or trying to be persuasive and make things happen in my own strength. But I think through such partners God has been trying to send me the clear message: It's NOT about you, Joel, it's about ME and I AM the one who is doing everything and making everything happen.

Yes, I wonder with all that has happened and my heart racing, if I'm setting myself up for disappointment and things will slow down. But to be honest, even after all the Lord's done, I can't really ask for more. I tried. This morning, I just couldn't find a way outside of thanking God for His faithfulness and company the past few weeks. But led by the Spirit, I came before the Lord boldly to ask for more and again to finish what He's started. But I'm so grateful for everything that's happened so far. And to think that this is only the beginning blows my mind.

For those who've swam in deeper waters of faith, what I've mentioned may be small stuff. But for me, this is nothing short of ground breaking. It's nice to know that when I encourage other brothers and sisters in Christ, I actually have testimonies to back up the reality that Jesus loves them and desires to bless them. Looking back, I would be lying to you if I said this was all "thrilling" and "exciting", because to be honest it's been nothing short of terrifying. But seeing God come through- I can say I possess a new knowledge and intimacy of Him, and looking back as I share about what God has done, I cannot deny that He has moved. And it redeems the terror of the past into joy, thanksgiving, and yes, excitement. I say this with boldness- I wouldn't have had it any other way!! And although I've still got a long way to go, I'll more than gladly stop along the way, see how far I've made up this mountain of faith, and PRAISE GOD, for HE IS FAITHFUL.

Anyways, to bring it all back- you better believe, whatever the Lord has called you to do- He will be faithful to part seas and move mountains to do it. He is faithful to what He's called you to do. Believe and move forward.