A "Hell" of an experience.
Note: this is somewhat of an intense and disturbing entry, but felt led to write about it. Hope this spurs some thoughts. Bless you!
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A few days ago I had the horror of sitting through a presentation of hell by someone who was supernaturally sent there by God, for a brief time. Usually, when people have been to hell and back through divine revelation, it either falls along the mold of them being an observer (which is bad enough), or actually being a participant (which, obviously, is much, much worse). Laurie Ditto fell in the latter category, and her "testimony" (?) is something I will not soon forget. She was reluctant in sharing it and she shared that she has NO problems whatsoever of saying NO to invitations to speak on it because of its rawness and traumatic content. But she felt God was clearly telling her to speak to our internships about it.
I thought I had a strong stomach to handle this prior to hearing it, and I could not imagine a time past when what was being shared so disturbed me that I literally wanted to walk out of the room, out of the building and just get away, or risk breaking down and having a panic attack- but alas there I was that saturday morning on the verge of breaking down with the fear of God. It was that disturbing. There was such a heaviness in the air. Throughout her sharing, I felt I was myself was exposed to hell, if even in the slightest measure.
I took some notes throughout the testimony, as it was one way of keeping my head while she was just pouring out horror upon horror of the reality of hell. She spoke of being in twisted and contorted positions because of the flames and fire- her skin melting off, eyelids burnt off so that she couldn't even close her eyes. She spoke of demons tormenting her and violating her. She spoke of fire that burned every part of her body, even the areas that "we keep covered". Especially those areas. I mean, it was just horrific and disturbing. And the cries- the screams of people who had no hope because there was "not an ounce of God" in hell. And this sense that she, a sinner, deserved every lick of it-this sense that she was naughty and was being punished rightly and justly.
She shared these experiences back and forth with her pains in her past growing up-so as to magnify how much horrible and real her experiences in hell were in comparison. She shook, paced back and forth, sobbed, as she was sharing all these things often taking a few moments between experiences to just sob. It all amounted to a disturbing and heavy atmosphere that exposed all of us to a degree of hell, although not even the slightest in itself.
This experience lasted for 20 mins in earth time, but in her experience, she was in hell for much longer. She was just worshipping with fellow members of the Forerunner Evangelism Institute when all of a sudden "like being sucked up in a straw" she was transported. When she finally shared those comforting words, "Then I ended right back up at Hernhutt apartments", I breathed a sigh of relief that it was over. I honestly didn't think I could bare another moment.
But then she went into the reflection time, which added it's own trauma. As soon as she got back, she cried out to those around her and God, "Please don't send me back to hell, I deserve it!" She had this horror that any moment God could send her back. She shared that she had white diarrhea because her pancreas stopped working, and that no amount of comforting could comfort her- no scripture about her being saved, etc. She needed people to hold her hands non-stop for a weeks so she can re-experience the sense of being touched. She wanted her husband to lay on top of her to impart the feeling of "God" back upon her, because she was so divested of any presence of God or of being human in hell.
She then in anger challenged us all to go and preach the gospel like hell is a real place. In a strange way, her seemingly judgmental anger brought relief and attention away from the rawness of what she was sharing about hell, and although in other situations I would have been offended, I welcome the disconnect. But without a doubt, her memories were stimulus enough to challenge us. That we need to throw away self-consciousness, stop worry about our relationship with people rather their relationship with God. Needless to say, at the altar call the entire rom went up on their knees crying out to God in travail. I was so shaken I went up got on my knees and just tried to keep sane.
After it was over, she came up with Hal Lindhart, the director of F.E.I, and they had to assure everyone of their salvation for comfort and truth. And we even sang amazing grace at the end. However, to me, it didn't bring that much comfort-there was too much fear, and fear of God. I was horrified of it, but at the same time, I felt like I needed it. I needed to be shaken to the holiness and awesomeness of God and His judgments for those who reject and refuse Him. I needed to be shaken in my own complacency in regards to sharing the gospel.
And in the past although I would cry out to God for supernatural experiences like this, after hearing this testimony, my fervent prayer is that I WOULD NOT experience anything like this in my life. I think the Lord allows a few people across the body of Christ to experience the reality of hell to alert and keep us on our toes, as well as to anoint them to be evangelists in special measure, but after hearing this, I'm sorry if I sound selfish, but I DO NOT want any of that!! Their testimony is enough, thank you!!
After this experience, the pain was too raw for me to think or commit any sin, or give into temptation, even to the lightest degree during the entire day. Any thought that wasn't of God, was far from my mind. I guess this is what the fear of God does, and why it's important we experience it- for as the Word of God says, it is the way to life and wisdom. I prayed for it always in my devotional walk, but boy, did God shake me up that day. I can't soon forget about it, and I hope I don't. I pray that when I share the gospel and share about hell, that there's a measure of "experience" and depth to what I say, an earnestness and urgency about it's horror and reality that's all too lacking in the church. Although I'm not too sure if warning people about hell is the best way for our generation to fall in love with Jesus, at least it's reality is motivation enough for us to get out there and share His love because there is no other option. The vast majority of this earth is headed there unless the church steps up and does something about it.
Lord, impress upon our hearts your great heart of love and compassion- that as You say in Your word, You take NO delight in seeing people perish and You desire ALL to come to know You in salvation. How great is Your love that You touch people like Laurie with the urgency to share the gospel in this hour. God, that we would be a courageous and bold witness to Your love, the joy of being in fellowship with You, and the judgments that await those who reject You. God, break off fear of man in Jesus Name, and increase the fear of God, that we would not depart from Your commands and that we would be faithful in love. Do it in my life, Lord, and to those who read this.
Amen.
Joel, thank you so much for taking the time to write this entry. You worded everything perfectly, and you described the experience with enough passion and depth that I feel I was able to share in it too. I say AMEN to every part of your prayer, and I thank God for allowing me to read this today. I hope you don't mind if I share this. God bless you and keep keepin' on.
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Hey bro!! Good to hear from you! Absolutely, you can share it! =) Hope you're doing well man!
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